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A New Beginning

It was 27 years ago, as hard as it is to believe. I was giving birth to our first son, Brewster Jr., or Rex as I call him. I was really thinking a lot about that this past day. Especially after visiting that submarine over last weekend.

{The 571 Nautilus in its prime}

When you are pregnant, you are in that closed space, and you must submit to the little kicks and flutters, the hiccups, the seasickness- a lot of it- and the upset schedule. When you are on a submarine, I can imagine that you must really learn to submit for the ride and keep calm and cool as you are stuck under the water and there is no way to escape. For me the first pregnancy was like being stuck on a ship, and I felt totally seasick and completely trapped. It was so scary for me. I was not in control of my life anymore. Although I really wanted to be a good mom, and I wanted to have a child, I was totally full of fear.

[ Three months ]

It was that fear and it was also the fact of being stuck, of having a baby control me from the inside, that really put me at the end of myself. I was so huge the past couple months at least, that I could barely walk.

[6 months]

Hubby grounded me from even getting his mail down the street as I fell one day on the sidewalk in a small hole. Fortunately before that I went on a long walk to Kenmore Square and wandered into a bookstore.It was a christian book store and I browsed around looking at titles, looking for something that would teach me how to be a good parent.

Suddenly, I saw this book, "Children are Wet Cement: Make a good impression on them", by Anne Ortland, and I bought it. It sounded really fun and it was. I took it home and I gobbled it up like ice cream. It talked about a happy christian family that always made the best of life. How they loved the Lord, how they loved each other, how they forgave each other. It was so new to me. I really wanted a family like that, but how could I have a family like that??

It was about a week later that I had my talk with God on my bed and he told me he could give me a Godly family if I just let his Son, Jesus take away my horrid ugly sins. He promised to raise my children. Deep down I know that if I hadn't given my self, and my child to the Lord, I would have died of fear in labor. That is how fearful I was of being a parent. But, instead of panicking in a hard and long labor with what ended up being a huge baby in a bad position, upside down; I laughed, and talked and stayed calm. I think because I didn't panic I also avoided a C section, which might have influenced my future children, but instead, I made it through.

This a.m Rex wasn't being born at 9 am, but he was taking a very important test in medical school. I used to take Rex to the hospital where I worked weekends and visit my sick patients, especially the cancer patients. Rex lost his Grammy Betty to cancer when he was 4, it was a sad time for us all. Betty had given me lots of tracts, and small booklets about becoming a Christian. She was always so sweet and kind and gentle with me, always seeing me as a future Christian wife and mom to Brewster. Betty was a nurse also, trained at Mass General and later a school nurse. She would be proud of her grandson, trying to make his way through med school so he can be a missionary doctor.

God does work all together for good, and even though it was a rough start, I am so glad that I ventured into this parenting thing 27 years ago and I submitted to God, he has been very patient and kind with me all these years. If I had not had children, who knows how messed up my life and marriage would have been. As the Bible puts it,"She shall be saved in childbearing", in my case, this was and is true. Happy Birthday Rex!

You are anchored to God, so why shouldn't you surrender?

[Elizabeth & the anchor]

Today we had a wonderful day. A morning of worshiping God, reading a wonderful book, "Surrender", by Nancy Leigh Demoss. Later we took a trip to the Nautilus submarine in Groton and walked around Old Mystic village. It was a lot of quality time, which we all really needed. This morning I reread Nancy Leigh's book, and I just had to share how wonderful it was to read. She talked in the beginning about a Japanese soldier who refused to surrender the war, or believe his country had been surrendered for 29 years. When he finally gave into the fact that he didn't need to fight and that WWII was truly over he was so relieved, but also so stunned he had given up so much of his life for a fight that had already been finished.then we read about the example of Eric Liddel, how he ran a race he had not prepared for so he could surrender his Sundays to the Lord. We also we read of how when he died, his last words were, "Annie, it's total surrender". He always submitted to God in life, and especially in death.

Eric Liddel was a gentleman who spent his whole life totally sold out to God, he was looking forward so much to finally knowing he was totally in God's will.

When are you going to put up the white flag? I think I need to put it up every A.M. . It is so easy to take over your life every morning when you get up But as it says in Nancy's book, why do we doubt that God does what he does and knows what he is doing? Anyway, He is GOD, and we are not.

Nancy put it like this, "God says, here is a blank piece of paper. Sign your name at the bottom line , hand it back to Me, and let me fill in the details. Why? Because I am trust worthy, because you know how much I love you: because you live for My glory and not your own independent, self-promoting pleasure". [pg 60]


Nancy goes on to write on page 169 "Someone has said that the will of God is exactly what we would choose if we knew what God knows. The problem is, we don't know what God knows---which is why we so often find it difficult to embrace His will and why we must learn to Trust and Obey".

I was thinking about this today when we saw all the sailing ships and the anchors. The power of water has become a great thing to us lately with all the flooding and major storms. We have had real life examples of how strong the flow is and how the power of God in nature is incomprehensible. To be carried off by a strong stream is only something we can imagine until we experience it, and only then do we really understand its danger. But we have an anchor, He is the Lord Jesus. He is there to protect us from the strongest storms, but only if we surrender and hold fast to Him.

There have been many discussions around here lately about what is the will of God, especially in our young adults lives. But to me it seems really clear. No one but God knows what the plan of your life is, but you are to follow where he leads. He leads each of us in unique directions, according to our strengths, weaknesses, talents and desires. If God opens up a door for us and we are sure it is his way to go, we are to go. If he closes a door, we are to stop. A friend may get married, or become a missionary, or serve their family, but that doesn't mean you are to do that also, unless God tells you so. There is SO MUCH MORE to life than "follow the leader".

You must pray, and seek God's direction, and pray again, and think, "Is this a way I will Glorify God in all I do? We are to be lights, and it is dark in the world. If all the lights are in one room, then the rest of the house is dark. Finding the will of God is a mystery, but he has solved it for all of us. We are just to surrender and obey his leading's and we will have peace and not go off on rabbit trails as the Japanese soldier, Hiroo Onoda did.The battle is over, it is time to surrender. It means saying, "Yes, Lord, I am your servant/slave, and you know my weakness, my fears, and my personal desires. But I will embrace whatever You reveal to be Your will in this matter". [Page 171 of " Surrender".]

When we moved back to New England in 1997 I sang in a church choir, and I love to sing. One of the songs we sang a lot really helped me through the moving transition, especially when Brewster was commuting to Cleveland to work, leaving me in a new place with 8 children. Written from the words of David Livingstone,

"Lord, take me anywhere

only go with me, lay any burden on me;
only sustain me,
sever every tie;

but the tie that binds me to thy service and thy heart".

When the storms come, if you are not anchored in the Lord, your strength will be no good, it will not hold you and you will be washed away like the sand being pulled back into the sea.

Surrender is not easy, especially for a strong willed and hard working me, but it is really what I need to do every day. I hope I have grown up finally and have learned to obey.
The goal of being an older woman who is wise, and one who does things God's way is a worthy goal to live for. And the only way to keep safe in the raging storms of life is to be already totally surrendered to God's infinite care and wisdom. There is only one true happy ending, and it is total surrender.

Watch out Clark Kent

By now you have realized that I have a secret weapon. You must have. How else could I have come this far? Throughout all the years of sleepless nights and queasy mornings, how else could I have such a happy family?

Well, here it is: my secret weapon is my dear husband. My husband, Brewster, is a silent servant. He bops out of bed late at night at the littlest squeak of a child. He cleans up messes that most men would run the other way when confronted with. He changed so many cloth diapers that he can probably do it with is eyes closed and not pinch an inch. When we were dorm parents at Boston U in the late 70's, I worked every weekend at the hospital as an RN. When I was gone he would pack the two oldest children, one on his back and one on his hip and break up beer parties that were occurring left and right, nothing fazed him at all!

Not only do I have a husband who is a stealth Clark Kent, we also have a phone closet, just like Superman, who also finds his so helpful. Most people think that it is there because Brewster has poor hearing, but alas, we have fooled you. When he comes home, he goes in there and he becomes"Superman".

I am pretty quiet about my husband's excellencies because I really don't want everyone to know he is my secret weapon. Someone might try to steal him like our Hardy Boy books. Some foreign power, or lady, hearing about his special powers would mastermind a plan to come and steal him from me. So despite his Clark Kent looks, despite what you might see, when he is in our home, he is Superman.
In fact I really don't worry about other women, as it seems to me that when he is away from his children and his home the atmosphere works like Kryptonite on him, suppressing his supernatural powers. But once he hits his home base and that phone closet, his Tom Seleck looks and his superman strength come out of the closet fast!

One time when I use to work at the Sheraton Boston in college, all the city lights went out. Brewster gathered his roommates and they walked in mass to pick me up at 11:30 at night and make sure I got home safely.
Brewster was there to pick me up every Thursday and Friday night from the moment I had my first date with him, because he didn't like the way I had to walk home. He even set up a campus wide walking service to get gals home safe based on his concern that I get home safe. No one knew why the bus route went so far east, why it almost made it to the hotel I worked at, neat coincidence, right?
When the babies started coming very quickly in delivery and he was doing most of the work himself he was all supportive of me staying home and him being my delivery assistant. Nothing phased him. He said if I would give him children, I could give birth anywhere I wanted, even the Marriott if I wanted. That will be a later story :)


My husband doesn't take much time for himself. Many men wouldn't be happy in his shoes. He doesn't go to any football games and rarely takes time to watch them on TV. He loves to read, has thousands of books, but he listens to them when he drives to his office or works at his office instead. He rarely takes a day off, except Sundays. He does love to play with his children when he gets the time, and have political discussions with them, and other people. He loves the quiet of the morning when all are asleep, especially me, but he doesn't complain when the littlest child of the time crawls up and reads books with him on the sofa. When our oldest were little he played a whole game of monopoly with 4 of the children, the oldest being 7. My mom was visiting and she said she would have pulled her hair out after the first 5 minutes!

Well, now you know about my secret weapon, but remember he only turns into Superman for me.

Everyone Needs a Mother Teresa

A couple of summers ago I found a wonderful quote by Mother Theresa. It really pricked my heart, it inspired me to try to apply truth like she did. I read several biographies about her and I was so inspired to be as kind while walking the walk of life. Also, she inspired me to not just talk the talk. So I put this quote up on a wall and I tried to institute it into my life more;

"People are often unreasonable and self centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives: Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you: Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow: Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough: Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and GOD. It never was between you and them anyway.
Mother Teresa

Of course, I am still trying. But isn't it great that I have been trying! Imagine how horrible I would have been if I hadn't tried. The past few years have been particularly stressful with several health issues finally coming to the point where I just couldn't handle my normal level of stress anymore. My lifelong lack of sleep has finally been diagnosed as periodic limb movement disorder, of the significant type. I am now taking medicine for this and my body is not shaking the whole night as if I was running or swimming a marathon. When I awake, I actually seem to be waking up, not wishing the night was starting again! Praise the Lord. Maybe I will feel sane soon:) Also, my youngest daughter Elizabeth has been having serious issues with her health that are now unfolding and I will get into later. Suffice to say, there are a lot of doctors appointments and tests. It can be very stressful when you have a 50 lb. toddler who is as strong as your 18 year old sons and you are not a spring chick anymore.'

So back to the quote. It is so hard to be a godly woman these days! Unfortunately, we can't look around and follow the crowd, as most of the time they are going the wrong way. I tell the children, being a christian is like trying to go up on a down escalator, you must push and walk against the flow or you will be at the bottom in no time and not know how you got there!

Some days I really feel like letting go and relaxing and enjoying the ride to the bottom where there is no accountability to be like Mother Teresa in any way.

Talking about Mother Theresa, I have the blessing of having a Mother Theresa in my life. My mother T is a sparkling 80 year old mom of 12 whom I met when we first moved here. Someone wrote an article in the paper about our families move to the farm where we hoped to start new family traditions where my husbands family, his grandmother in particular, had lived over 100 years ago and had gone to seed. Teresa saw the article and she brought me a meal and spent time with me, encouraging me that we could make the move to the farm..She was such a sparkler and she came at such an important time in my life. I had just had Hudson and at 6 weeks of age I herniated my back, blowing a bulb out of a crack I had gotten falling down the stairs with # 6, and I was bedridden soon and having back surgery. When I woke up in the hospital my Teresa was there, sitting, waiting for me with a card and chocolates. She wasn't even from my church. She really cheered me up in my Vicodin haze. The thought of going back to a newborn and not being able to lift or do stairs was overwhelming, but she told me I could do it. She had faith in me, so I had faith I would make it. It took almost a year to recover from that surgery.

Here is happy Hudson, obviously suffering from his first few weeks of life being so tough:)


I was really glad that I had fixed up my bedroom nicely when we first moved in, I was seeing a lot of it. Ann, who was almost 13 at the time, ran the house like an adult nanny and Brewster Jr. kept his brothers in line. We were a family of 11 crammed in a 1400 sq ft house with a very small yard and it was invitation for hyperactive child overload for sure!Teresa has visited me several times since then, and each time she has been a blessing. When my husband was starting his new law practice and we were really not rolling yet, there would be the card with money at Easter time telling me to go get the guys some nice pants for the holiday. Or the box with some nice dresses and gift receipt from Macy's so when I recovered I would look good when I went out. I did go out and get 2 of my favorite dresses with that receipt, that I wear till this day. Teresa got 3 dresses which were too big for me, erring on the side of letting me take them back because they were too big, not too small, knowing I had just had my 9th child and might feel a little chubby :)When Elizabeth was born preemie and I had an emergency C section after several home births, she was there again. She worked at the hospital part time and would come have her lunch time with me and we would talk about how BIG GOD IS, and how he had given me such a precious gift. She told me funny stories about how she drove to a grocery store in upstate NY one day, and how, both ways, the car engine wasn't able to start, but she got the car there and back, up and down a big hill, to the surprise of her husband! Brewster and I were cracking up when she shared her wonderful funny stories of life growing 12 children in the 50s- 70's.( Here is a photo of Teresa's last visit to the farm!)
My Teresa just graduated from the local college last month, in time for her birthday. I really wanted to be there but lack of energy didn't allow me to go. I wanted to be there to yell, "GO Teresa- thank you God!!!", but I will have to send her a note instead. She was interviewed by the local TV station and she was her usually self, ending with, "The message is: if I can do it, anyone can do this!"". She still is an encourager in every way. When I am going through my quiet life of raising my children in this narrow path, when I think of her, how she raised her children with such gusto, and organization, I laugh. The way she ran her ship is not my style at all, but it worked for her and she loves to tell me that: "Whatever I am doing , it is working, so don't give up the ship".

God knows that I need some encouragement now and then, that is why I am writing. I have so much in my head, so many great thoughts and ideas, and I have no one to share with right now, except my own family. One of my favorite replies to a proverbial question I often get is, "Oh , you know, I am not as organized as you, that is why I can't {Fill in Blank}", to which I reply, " Oh , you can't lie on a sofa and throw up into a bucket?!". The reason I say that is because every time I feel like I am finally able to do this homeschooling/ parenting thing, God puts me on my back, just so I cannot take credit, or take over.

It really makes you think, who is really in charge? And, who should get the glory?
God, of course.
When I became a christian 27 years ago, I was awaiting the birth of my first born son. God gave me this verse, which was pretty unusual, as I really didn't often read the Bible that my great aunt had given me at my wedding. the verse God gave me has been my rope that I cling too, especially when it is back to the couch, or bed time.

"All thy children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be thy peace."

(Isaiah 54:13, Kelly from God version:)

the KJV says it like this,

"All thy children shell be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children"

God has made a promise to me, since the very start of our relationship, I am holding him to it!