A New Beginning

It was 27 years ago, as hard as it is to believe. I was giving birth to our first son, Brewster Jr., or Rex as I call him. I was really thinking a lot about that this past day. Especially after visiting that submarine over last weekend.

{The 571 Nautilus in its prime}

When you are pregnant, you are in that closed space, and you must submit to the little kicks and flutters, the hiccups, the seasickness- a lot of it- and the upset schedule. When you are on a submarine, I can imagine that you must really learn to submit for the ride and keep calm and cool as you are stuck under the water and there is no way to escape. For me the first pregnancy was like being stuck on a ship, and I felt totally seasick and completely trapped. It was so scary for me. I was not in control of my life anymore. Although I really wanted to be a good mom, and I wanted to have a child, I was totally full of fear.

[ Three months ]

It was that fear and it was also the fact of being stuck, of having a baby control me from the inside, that really put me at the end of myself. I was so huge the past couple months at least, that I could barely walk.

[6 months]

Hubby grounded me from even getting his mail down the street as I fell one day on the sidewalk in a small hole. Fortunately before that I went on a long walk to Kenmore Square and wandered into a bookstore.It was a christian book store and I browsed around looking at titles, looking for something that would teach me how to be a good parent.

Suddenly, I saw this book, "Children are Wet Cement: Make a good impression on them", by Anne Ortland, and I bought it. It sounded really fun and it was. I took it home and I gobbled it up like ice cream. It talked about a happy christian family that always made the best of life. How they loved the Lord, how they loved each other, how they forgave each other. It was so new to me. I really wanted a family like that, but how could I have a family like that??

It was about a week later that I had my talk with God on my bed and he told me he could give me a Godly family if I just let his Son, Jesus take away my horrid ugly sins. He promised to raise my children. Deep down I know that if I hadn't given my self, and my child to the Lord, I would have died of fear in labor. That is how fearful I was of being a parent. But, instead of panicking in a hard and long labor with what ended up being a huge baby in a bad position, upside down; I laughed, and talked and stayed calm. I think because I didn't panic I also avoided a C section, which might have influenced my future children, but instead, I made it through.

This a.m Rex wasn't being born at 9 am, but he was taking a very important test in medical school. I used to take Rex to the hospital where I worked weekends and visit my sick patients, especially the cancer patients. Rex lost his Grammy Betty to cancer when he was 4, it was a sad time for us all. Betty had given me lots of tracts, and small booklets about becoming a Christian. She was always so sweet and kind and gentle with me, always seeing me as a future Christian wife and mom to Brewster. Betty was a nurse also, trained at Mass General and later a school nurse. She would be proud of her grandson, trying to make his way through med school so he can be a missionary doctor.

God does work all together for good, and even though it was a rough start, I am so glad that I ventured into this parenting thing 27 years ago and I submitted to God, he has been very patient and kind with me all these years. If I had not had children, who knows how messed up my life and marriage would have been. As the Bible puts it,"She shall be saved in childbearing", in my case, this was and is true. Happy Birthday Rex!